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Be honest: there are times when you have felt schadenfreude, or “delight in another’s misfortunes”. But what about vorfreude? I recently came across this lovely word, which my German-speaking friend translated as “the anticipation of joy”. It struck me as such a hopeful concept – surely we could all do with less schadenfreude and more vorfreude. So what exactly is anticipatory joy, how do we cultivate it and will it make us happier?
“The idea is to find joy in the lead-up to an event,” says Sophie Mort, a clinical psychologist and mental health expert at the meditation and mindfulness app Headspace. “For example, we often feel joy and excitement when planning a trip, thinking about going on a date or anticipating a special meal.” It’s easy to look forward to holidays and special occasions, but a joy-filled life is also about everyday occurrences. Rory Platt, a writer at the personal development company The School of Life, says: “The trick lies in filling our calendar with lots of little moments to look forward to – like tiny baubles that, when seen from a distance, combine to make a more glittering future.”
But vorfreude is not about wishing your life away and thinking you will be happy in an imagined future. “Looking forward to something can trigger joy in the present moment,” says Karen Neil, a health coach and the founder of Mindful Medicine. This can boost your mood, reduce your stress levels and help to avoid burnout. A 2017 study published in Frontiers of Psychology found that anticipating positive events activated the brain’s medial prefrontal cortex, which is associated with a higher level of wellbeing.
Doesn’t getting your hopes up risk disappointment? Perhaps it’s safer to keep expectations low. Emma Mills, a mindfulness expert and the author of Inhale Exhale Repeat, begs to differ. “There is a saying: ‘If you worry, you suffer twice.’ Anticipatory joy is the opposite of that.” Even if an anticipated event turns out to be a letdown, vorfreude helps people bounce back. “Optimists have improved coping abilities when dealing with unplanned distress and they tend to recover far faster,” says Tania Taylor, a psychotherapist and vorfreude advocate.
If you are going through a tough time and feel as though you have nothing to look forward to, don’t beat yourself up. “It’s important that positive psychology doesn’t get confused with toxic positivity,” says Taylor. “When I was going through cancer treatment, I spent most days binge‑watching television. It’s OK to sit tight when everything feels overwhelming without feeling guilt that you are not looking for joy.” If feelings of hopelessness persist, she stresses, it’s important to seek help from a GP, a therapist or charities such as Samaritans or Shout.
If, however, you are ready for vorfreude, it shouldn’t feel like a chore. “Mostly, it will involve exploring what you already have in your life that you look forward to,” says Taylor. Willem Kuyken, a professor of mindfulness at the University of Oxford, has researched the benefits of cultivating joy. In his book Mindfulness for Life, he writes: “It takes only a small step out of habit and into awareness to enjoy the people we love around us, to savour food or to dance to music in our kitchen while cooking. These moments are available to us all the time.”
With that in mind, here are 30 simple ways to get more vorfreude in your life.
Start (really) small
If the concept of vorfreude is completely alien to you, take baby steps. “Try to notice one joyful thing each day,” says Neil. You could frame this as a photo challenge: spend a little time every day looking for one beautiful flower, interesting sight or cute dog to photograph.
Think positive
“Plan a morning affirmation or positive statement and look forward to starting your day with it in your mind,” says Taylor. “Some people create a screensaver with it on their phone so it’s the first thing they see.” An example she gives is: “Today I will look for good moments and remember them.” Mort suggests: “May I be open to joy and have many moments of joy ahead.”
Turn routine into ritual
“A very small thing that I get vorfreude from is anticipating my first coffee of the day,” says Mort. “When I wake up, it’s the first thing I think about: how it will smell, how it will taste and how I will feel while drinking it. It’s a ritual that I love and I really allow myself to focus on it.”
Find joy in the everyday
“At the end of my evening meditation classes, I suggest people consider three things they are looking forward to tomorrow,” says Mills. “It could be their morning walk in the park or listening to a podcast on their commute; maybe sitting down to enjoy their packed lunch at work or looking forward to having a bath at the end of the day.”
Come off autopilot
“Perhaps you have a hobby such as gardening, or a pet to spend time with,” says Karen Atkinson, the CEO of MindfulnessUK. “Coming out of autopilot and consciously looking forward to these moments is an achievable way for anyone to experience vorfreude.”
Avoid mind traps
“To change your mindset to become more joyful, you must first become familiar with your own negative thought patterns,” says Atkinson. These “mind traps” include catastrophising and discounting the positive. “For example, instead of thinking: ‘I’m only going away for one night – it’s hardly a holiday,’ say to yourself: ‘What a treat – a night away, going out to dinner and meeting friends. How lovely.’” The “shoulds” are another trap. “You may think: ‘I should have a more thriving social life, like everyone else.’ Instead, recognise that Fomo (fear of missing out) can add stress. Remember how fortunate you are to go out and have fun once in a while – really cherish the opportunity.”
Savour the moment
“There is a small moment just before you eat your pastry, or the movie begins, or as you get in your bubble bath,” says Mills. “In that moment, the pastry hasn’t been eaten yet – it’s a joy about to be enjoyed. Savour the moment and think how lucky you are.” She likes a Kurt Vonnegut quote: “And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point: ‘If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.’”
Treat yourself
“Schedule brief excursions and small indulgences,” says Platt. “Perhaps aim to finish work an hour early on Fridays to get dinner with a friend, visit an art gallery or take yourself on a solo cinema trip.” Don’t feel guilty about it. The team at The Mindfulness Project says: “Giving yourself permission to look forward to these pleasures can prepare you to enjoy them.”
Put plans in writing
One of the exercises in I Am Here Now, a book by The Mindfulness Project, is getting into the habit of writing down plans. The authors suggest rating your anticipation levels, but even the simple act of putting pen to paper can make plans feel more real and increase excitement.
Keep a joy journal
“Joy is individual,” says Neil. “There are common themes – we can all appreciate a happy child playing – but it’s about finding what brings you joy.” She advises people to keep a joy journal, noting down what has made you happy that day, week or month. That way, you can plan more of it in the future.
Schedule movement
“I’ll plan 10 minutes of gentle stretching or book an activity session such as a yoga, pilates or a sound bath class,” says Taylor. If that sounds more like punishment than pleasure, remember exercise is individual, too – so find something you enjoy.
Try meal planning
“Creating a meal plan for the week means you can look forward to what you are going to eat,” says Taylor. She suggests using a slow cooker if you are pushed for time: “This week, I’m looking forward to making rice pudding in mine.”
Make a date with a friend
Kareen Griffiths, a mindful change consultant, likes to plan a big night out. “I relish the moments in the buildup: putting on my outfit, the train journey, the feeling of excitement,” she says. Taylor gets just as much vorfreude out of arranging for a friend to come over to watch a film. The important thing is making time to meet up with someone you care about.
Plan a fantasy holiday …
“The other day, I saw a social media post about a cheap mini-break to Rome. It had me getting excited about a variety of really affordable getaways – even though my passport has expired,” says Taylor. “I must get around to renewing it, but it doesn’t stop me from getting enjoyment out of the anticipation of what might be.”
… and enjoy the buildup to a real one
“Some research shows that planning and anticipating a holiday can make you happier than the holiday itself,” says Mort. “This switched me from being a spontaneous ‘Oh, I’ll leave it till the last minute and book just before I go away’ person to being someone who takes time to mull over where I want to go, why I want to go there and how it might be when I get there.”
Look for natural wonders
“I’m a huge advocate of finding joy in nature. The research tells us time and again how valuable it can be,” says Taylor. That doesn’t have to mean going far from home. “The other day I popped out into my very wet garden and touched the daffodils. I noticed how wonderful it was that the daffodil stems were being held together by an old fallen leaf that they had managed to create a hole through.”
Go on a mindful walk
“When I’m out walking the dog, I try to be aware of what’s around me, whether that’s the blossom coming out on the trees or the stars at night,” says Neil. “Thoughts and worries may come: ‘Spring is early – it must be climate change.’ But I try to let go of all that on the walk.”
Hunt for treasure
Taylor loved geocaching with her children when they were younger. “It’s a free app that involves treasure-hunting wherever you are in the world. You find hidden tubs filled with toys to swap,” she says. “I do it without the kids, now that they’re older. I love leaving Christmas-cracker toys and knowing that it will put a smile on a child’s face in the future.”
Do something creative
“Research examining the impact of creativity on mental health is largely positive,” says Taylor. “Try planning some time to let your creative side flare.” You don’t have to be a natural artist. If you can’t paint or draw, her ideas include “cutting out pictures that are meaningful to you in magazines and creating a collage, writing your own poem or story or watching YouTube origami tutorials armed with a piece of plain paper”.
Make music
Neil plays the bass clarinet with the Nottingham Philharmonic Orchestra, “so a lot of my joy comes through music”, she says. “At the first rehearsal after a concert, we get new music to learn for the next performance. I always feel anticipatory joy before new music night.” The less musically experienced could join a (non‑audition) community choir or start learning an instrument. Which leads us to …
Try something new
“Book a new dance class or craft workshop to try something different,” suggests Mort. “The suspense of learning something new can add a spark of excitement to the week.” It could even change your life. Griffiths learned to play decks two years ago, as a tribute to her late brother, and is now a mindful DJ. “It was never part of my plan,” she says. “My music connects me to the here and now, which is where joy can be found.”
Go to the library
“Making a regular trip to your local library is a great way to insert vorfreude into your life,” says Taylor. “Have you ever had that feeling when you are really enjoying the book you are reading, but you’re also excited to start the next one? That’s a perfect example.” Mort suggests setting a reading challenge – it could be reading all the books on the Booker longlist, finally getting round to reading Moby-Dick or rereading your favourite books.
Read a poem a day
“I recommend buying a poetry anthology – then you can look forward to reading the poem of the day over breakfast or lunch or at bedtime,” says Mills. She suggests A Nature Poem for Every Day of the Year: “I look forward each evening to seeing which poem it is.”
Throw a party
Taylor loves planning birthday parties. “My daughter has a big birthday coming up this year and I’m so excited about my plans,” she says. But you don’t need a birthday to have a party. “Organise a get-together with friends, whether it’s a games day in the park or a themed party,” says Mort. “Don’t wait for a reason to celebrate – create one.”
Celebrate the seasons
“I look forward to seasonal changes and put them in my diary as ‘occasions’: spring equinox, midsummer, midwinter, full moon, apple season,” says Mills. “If you identify these small joys and appreciate them as they happen, you have many special occasions.”
Do something for others
“‘Sympathetic joy’ is experiencing the joy of others,” says Neil. It doesn’t need to be a grand gesture – planning a little treat for someone else can spark vorfreude. “I got my hands on some small Easter egg packs this year,” says Taylor. “I couldn’t wait to hide the eggs around the house and garden for my adult children to find, and to watch them laugh at the ridiculous things their parents have them doing.”
Find a talisman
Neil enjoys watching her daughter and her friends play the video game Animal Crossing. “There’s a turtle character who sings a little song. It sounds silly, but watching them ride in the turtle’s boat brings me joy,” she says. “My daughter bought me a little turtle figure and now I look at it if I’m having a hard day.” She suggests displaying your own talisman – a photograph, a holiday trinket, a nature find – to spark happiness.
Create a homecoming ritual
“Anticipate the joy of reuniting with loved ones by creating a special greeting ritual when you come home from work,” says Mort. “It could be a hug, a quick card game or simply taking a moment to connect and unwind together.” What if you live alone? “Try asking yourself: ‘What is one small thing that I would like to do?’” Then do it!
Make time for silence
Vorfreude isn’t just about parties, holidays and hobbies. “Just a few minutes of meditation a day can not only change our perspective, but also physically alter our brains, rewiring them towards more positive thoughts and emotions,” says Mort. “Close the door, light a candle and embrace moments of stillness. Look forward to the peace that comes with each session.” Platt stresses the importance of having a break from the grim news cycle. “We owe it to ourselves to switch off from time to time in order to focus on all that remains good and hopeful in the here and now.”
Get ready for bed
“I must be getting old, because I really look forward to my bed and a good night’s sleep,” says Taylor. “Every night, I look forward to going to sleep listening to hypnotherapy.” Mills, too, gets joy from having a bath, putting on pyjamas and climbing into fresh sheets. Double the pleasure by squeezing in an afternoon nap – vorfreude doesn’t get much easier than that.
